[ As destructive as anyone under the influence of a curse can be. Perhaps he'll tell her so, once he's got a finger on the pulse of her true misery. Korra can be snappish, disobedient, pugnacious. But she is an inherently good, conscientious girl. You don't need to be an expert on human psyche to tell. He's seen plenty of things happen to her in the City that would make her chilly up top. But she's never lost herself to that bleakness. She's simply clogged up with anxieties, surrounded by filth, so she thinks she's the filth. ]
[ Some monsters only emerge in flashes -- because that's all they are. Flashes. Everyone has them, but most of their darkness is quantifiable. Other monsters don't even need an excuse to spawn fully-grown and ravenous. Hei would know. He is what his profession has created. A multifaced Frankenstein monster. A hydra. ]
[ At her question, something shutters across his face. Expression unfocused, eyes dull, as if his thoughts are white-noise. But a beat later the look resettles into cool neutrality. He'd like to say he has no answer that comes from the heart and not the head. He's also likely to say that it's never been otherwise. Except, like most words that pass through his lips, that's a lie. He had relied upon his heart, once upon a time, a sweet, protective boy on the banks of a lake, watching Pai point gleefully at the constellations). ]
[ He's already established Korra isn't a replacement for Pai. But being near her gives him a sensation of fitting that is so rare in his disjointed life. It was good with her, that was the thing. Warm and sweet if not emotionally barbed. It wasn't what he'd had (almost had?) with Amber. But he knows, after five years of emotional turmoil and desensitization, that he's not going to have that ever again and he'd prefer to spend as little time as possible flagellating himself over it. ]
[ Going back to Korra -- wanting to restart something with her -- is selfish, true. If he cared for her more, he'd value her safety well enough to leave her alone. He can try to justify his actions. Convince himself that he's better off keeping her close than cutting her loose. That he's taking control of a volatile situation -- as he's been trained to do. Except that's only half-true. Everyone has their stupid moments -- rationalizations, even blindness, born of weakness and human need. That's what this is, in a nutshell. ] Nothing 'changed'. [ He feels like he's holding a live grenade, feeling it ticking. Dryly, ] Except, as established, I'm an idiot. An idiot who didn't know when he was well off.
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ Some monsters only emerge in flashes -- because that's all they are. Flashes. Everyone has them, but most of their darkness is quantifiable. Other monsters don't even need an excuse to spawn fully-grown and ravenous. Hei would know. He is what his profession has created. A multifaced Frankenstein monster. A hydra. ]
[ At her question, something shutters across his face. Expression unfocused, eyes dull, as if his thoughts are white-noise. But a beat later the look resettles into cool neutrality. He'd like to say he has no answer that comes from the heart and not the head. He's also likely to say that it's never been otherwise. Except, like most words that pass through his lips, that's a lie. He had relied upon his heart, once upon a time, a sweet, protective boy on the banks of a lake, watching Pai point gleefully at the constellations). ]
[ He's already established Korra isn't a replacement for Pai. But being near her gives him a sensation of fitting that is so rare in his disjointed life. It was good with her, that was the thing. Warm and sweet if not emotionally barbed. It wasn't what he'd had (almost had?) with Amber. But he knows, after five years of emotional turmoil and desensitization, that he's not going to have that ever again and he'd prefer to spend as little time as possible flagellating himself over it. ]
[ Going back to Korra -- wanting to restart something with her -- is selfish, true. If he cared for her more, he'd value her safety well enough to leave her alone. He can try to justify his actions. Convince himself that he's better off keeping her close than cutting her loose. That he's taking control of a volatile situation -- as he's been trained to do. Except that's only half-true. Everyone has their stupid moments -- rationalizations, even blindness, born of weakness and human need. That's what this is, in a nutshell. ] Nothing 'changed'. [ He feels like he's holding a live grenade, feeling it ticking. Dryly, ] Except, as established, I'm an idiot. An idiot who didn't know when he was well off.