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[mortemscintilla]

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[anatural]

I want it to be. [Maybe a stupid admission, but it's not like she has a history of making smart choices about him.

She gently pushes him off, maneuvering so she's curled up at his side, her head resting against his chest. Her body feels heavy and her heart feels bleak, but she knows it will all be better after she's gotten some sleep. Maybe the sound of his heartbeat will drown out the whispers of her darker thoughts.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ I want it to be. That honesty, that sweetness ... It makes his brain melt, even as good sense tells him: Beware. How has this happened, that he's been given this girl who might as well be the antithesis of him, yet shaped to his every susceptibility? Stronger than him, kinder than him, full of earnestness and humor and beauty and all that power that lures him, raises his awareness and his cock and his every barbed-wire instinct -- turning it love-soaked and shapeless. Some small bright fragment of her is in him. She is singing through his sinews. ]

[ No, not an antithesis at all. Just a contrast that offers balance. Two sides of the same coin. Diamond cuts diamond, after all. ]

[ He doesn't know how to express any of that. Not articulately and rationally. Instead he sighs and hitches her closer. One leg thrown over hers, an arm encircling her, letting her fit against him as if he is a bolster. Practical concerns intrude -- he wants to ask if she'd like a drink of water. But another part of him is loathe to let her go. It's better this way, anyhow -- the words have been spoken, the grief has passed and left her wrung out, and now his job is only this. Holding her until she falls asleep. It's not his usual way. But he's changed his ways in other things lately. What's one more to add to the list? ]

[ Oh, you can change, but you'll both pay for it. The question is ... what price? ]