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[He hadn't said he wanted to, only that he should. If he wanted to kill her, they wouldn't be having this conversation now. "Should" is a different matter. There are plenty of things she "should" do that she doesn't.]

I just got out of work.

[She tilts her head a little as she looks at him. He's pulling back, shutting himself away, like he always does when things get emotional. She wonders if there's anybody he ever opens up to.]

What for?

[ Unfortunately, the argument over Want To and Should would be simpler if it were about something as mundane as a choice of cereal. Hei may dispense death with a rote matter-of-factness -- one more task on the grocery list -- but he's not sure how to interpret Korra's attitude. Denial? Extreme foolishness? Extreme bravery? Or is she insouciant with the pretend-knowledge that if he spared her life once, he'll do it again? ]

[ He isn't sure. ]

[ Nor is he sure, even now, of how he feels about her. It's not the selfish focus of a Fuck-&-Chuck. But it's not enough to label as affection, either. It's hard to decide, because his own emotions hide themselves from him. He can't guess what sort of state he's in. His feeling shrink and evade, seen only from the corner of his eye, like creeping insects. Only when he looks the other way does he have a chance of confronting them. ]

[ Except he doesn't want to. Gaze averted, hands in pockets, he steps back, ] Because it's late. [ Not really. This is prime Happy-Hour for him. ] You should head home too.

[Let's call it faith -- in her own strength, and in him. His ability to find alternative solutions. Someone who wanted to kill her would be constantly looking for the opportunity, but he seems to be waiting for a reason.]

Mmmm.

[She makes no move to leave, but she isn't going to hold him; it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to be here. She hurts for his pain, wishes she could help, but for this moment, at least, acknowledges that it's not her problem. This achingly rare moment of serenity is a stark reminder of how out of balance her own spirit has become. Before she can help anyone else, she needs to clear the stormclouds in her soul.]

[ To find alternative solutions -- or find the resolve within himself to carry through on what he needs to do. Hei's moments of lenience are rare and specific, all of them funneling into one goal, nothing superfluous or useless. Yet letting her go is useless. He knows that. Yet he doesn't mind it as much as he should. That is what makes him uneasy. Because it means he's starting to feel involved. Fuck, he'd started way before this, started when Korra was first cursed as a child. But by now his involvement has reached an uncomfortable pitch like a deep laceration, only temporarily numb-able. ]

[ The banter, the sexing, it is involving, it keeps his boredom and ennui at bay, but that makes it worse. He's growing accustomed to it. Whether Korra realizes it or not. A cold voice tells him he's gotten soft. The idea makes his skin itch. Moreso because he's not sure he remembers who that voice belongs to. He just knows it's not Pai's. ]

[ He moves to go, then hesitates, glancing back at Korra. Something is off about her. Or absent. That usual zing of impatient energy. ] Is everything okay? [ .............Is she stoned? ]

Edited 2013-02-04 01:26 (UTC)

No. [There's no point in lying about it. Especially to him -- why try to protect him from things he already knows? Her death, the shed, losing her friends, cursed Chekov, the ghouls... he's been involved in pretty much every terrible thing that's happened to her since coming here. (There's no blame in the thought, only fact.)]

But it will be.

[And she smiles at him, because the moon is bright, the air is crisp, and for the first time in her life (that she can remember), she's made contact with the Spirit World.]

[ Hei feels, bizarrely, like he's intruding on a private moment. Which is impossible. But there's something so -- serene? -- in her gaze, in the clear blue depths of it. She looks almost like Pai did upon awakening after her payment; sweet and calm and guileless, like a child. Except Pai had never known a life without guile in her brief years. It was her own nature that'd kept her separate from the surrounding filth, despite being a Contractor. ]

[ It's that same quality that draws him to Korra. ]

[ He shakes it off. Her words are ambiguous, but not ominous. Whatever's going on in her head doesn't hold a troublesome weight. That much is apparent. ] I see. [ He half-turns, ready to head home. Over his shoulder, he murmurs, ] Don't fall asleep in the snow again. [ That little implication, a subtext, that she had him concerned for a moment. Hopefully she won't catch it. ]

[ Shaking his head, he quits the park. ]

[In another mood, maybe, but no such luck tonight. She catches the subtext and boxes it away with the other little fragments of humanity he's dropped in front of her, safe in a little compartment in her heart.

And then she heads for home & the beach. It feels like the moon is tugging her to the water as surely as it does the tide.]

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