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[mortemscintilla]

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[mortemscintilla]

If that's what you prefer believing. [ It's dismissal, not acceptance. Hei's life has never been so monochrome. Variables on one end of the scale (allies) can quickly slide to the other (enemies), or goldilocks somewhere in between. All that's needed is the right moments and motivations. Amid such volatility, you learn not to take labels at face value. He can count on both hands how often he's turned on Mao and Huang, or they on him, according to their personal goals as opposed to the Syndicate's orders. (As for good and evil -- he's no Nietzche, but like a majority of his Contractor counterparts, he's not concerned with inhabiting either spectrum. Only in protecting himself -- and those who hold an intrinsic value in his life.) ]

[ The tea cup is balanced neatly on the bench armrest next to Hei. He stretches his legs out, his posture relaxed. But he can feel Pavel's nervous energy vibrating against his flank. He doesn't even have to probe or catalogue -- the younger man's aura practically spells out the message for him. His remarks are equal parts accurate and amusing. Hei isn't trying to be mysterious or secretive, so much as adhering to the Syndicate's standard procedures. (But part of that adherence is fear -- the fear of exposure, blackmail, exploitation, or any of the myriad of horrors you suffer when your shields collapse. ]

[ It's not long before he says, a thoughtful rather than delayed response, ] Accustomed or afraid, they're my secrets to keep. [ Colder, ] The truth's an overrated thing, anyway. [ With the skeletons in your closet yanked out, all that's left of you is a rattling, boneless emptiness. You become defenseless. ]

[candothat]

Only because it is what I believe to be true. [And he tries to quiet his mind. Thinking too much now is not going to benefit him in the least; it'll only make him more nervous and annoyed with Hei's stubborn refusal to say anything outright. Chekov could, perhaps, be quite good at playing mind games if he had the motivation, but as it is, they irritate him.

Honest. Straightforward. That's what he likes.]

I don't understand.

[mortemscintilla]

[ Honest. Straightforward. None of that has any relationship to Hei's life. Sketchy details, withheld secrets, these are the themes of his profession. Anti-TMI. At the same time he acknowledges that Pavel has a right to ask, after everything Hei's put him and Korra through. Too bad his sense of fair-play is nonexistent. ]

It's better if you don't understand. [ he says, and the set of his mouth is flat with a million warnings tucked behind it. There's a moment to drain the rest of his tea cup, before he crumples it and tosses it into the adjacent bin. Rising, he brushes off the snow from his jeans, but it's a sloppy effort compared to his usual precision -- he's already halfway to slipping back into 'Li's costume. ]

[ He doesn't immediately meet Pavel's eyes. But when he does, his face, carefully calm, is nonetheless tired and still. His whole body projects a subtle exhaustion, evident in the dark skin under his eyes and the droop of his shoulders. ]

If it's worth anything, tell Korra she has nothing to regret. She did nothing wrong. That was all me. [ He knows he preempted her choice in the kiss-off. But it was for her own good. Emotion is Hei's Achilles heel. Emotion is what muddles him. His life, his self, just isn't designed for it. She's better off with someone who owns less baggage, someone who doesn't think of people in terms of meat-puppets and manipulations. ] I know she's upset. But it'll be worse if I'm with her, whether she thinks so or not. I broke it off to make things easier for her. Not to add to her problems.

[ None of this is easy to say. But it's true and factual and felt. With that, Hei turns to go, hands tucked into his hoodie, before Pavel can reply or protest. To an outsider, the abrupt exit would ring of rudeness -- but it's just a snapshot of his world, and his state of mind. ]