[ In the hot spray, Hei can feel her soft shape, beads of water rolling down her body, conducted with electric clarity against him. Sharp-toothed hunger suffuses him, tailed by keener heat as her fingers brush against his erection. His breathing shifts, not ragged but a shade out of sync. He lets her touch him for a moment, before he catches her hand in his. Gently squeezes her fingers, bringing them in front of her. ]
[ Slowly, he pressed himself closer, all the way down, feet bracketing hers, his erection trapped between their bodies and his arms laid over hers, warm face alongside her own. His skin is simmering; his heartbeat practically pulsates through the steamy air. ]
[ But he keeps his tone measured, ]
Don't distract me.
[ As if she isn't distracting enough. But the way she shakes is unnerving. So rattled, so full of cracks, like a glass that might shatter at a high note. He doesn't bother with the washcloth. Just soaps up his hands and applies them to her body. Careful, meticulous, the joint of his thumbs rubbing deep into each joint, back then front, up and down, aiming for deep-tissue relief and scrubbing the blood off more than anything. Once she's clean, he lathers her hair, his fingers digging with vigorous force into her scalp. ]
[ All the while, his body sings at a disturbing voltage. It'd be easy, so easy, to snug up tight against her, slide into her with one stroke, no condoms, no preliminaries, forcing her up on her tiptoes under the shower's hot spray. ]
[ He shuts the fantasy off. Now isn't the time to get over excited. ]
[Korra exhales softly when he pulls her hand away, equal parts disappointment and pleasure. The instinct to do, to act, is still alive in her, if distant and buried. But it's easy enough to ignore and let his hands work all over her. She leans back against him, whimpering sometimes in pain and sometimes in bliss as he digs into the knots in her muscles.
At length her shaking stops, though her knees feel weak. Desire builds up, hot enough to burn through her numb shell. It's a good thing Li has his head together, because if he tried to slide into her right now, she would let him. Anything to feel something other than pain.]
[ It's not long before Hei has rinsed the suds from her hair, and shaken the soap off his hands. He's far from squeaky-clean himself, but it's hard to prioritize step A to step B when your blood-flow has shifted south. Those soft sounds, the way she feels -- it's too insanely inviting. His own breathing is growing a little deeper, but like all his early reactions it's too subtle to pinpoint. ]
[ He reaches to turn the spray off, but doesn't quite make it. (He'll think later about how he would've gotten her toweled and warm and out of the stall, if only he'd put space between them.) If he hadn't pressed tight behind her, his hands on her shoulders, his mouth questing through her wet hair. But once that happens he can't help the greedy shiver that runs through him, can't help breathing her in. Sweeping her hair back, he puts his mouth on her neck, sucks on the flesh, gently first, then hard enough to blossom a bruise. Breaks to lay soft kisses in a circuit along her hairline, to her earlobe, her jaw, finally tipping her head so that her mouth is right there to feed on. ]
[ There's hunger in the way he kisses her now. A bright flare of insistence. ]
[ Holding her against him with one arm, he caresses her body with the other hand. Cradling and kneading each breast, rolling the nipples until they're tight and springy. Stroking her belly, the sensitive skin high up on her thighs, before slipping two fingers through the wet tangle of curls between them. He teases her. Not deep, just circling her clit, starting a slow and easy massage, not wanting the water to wash all that slick away. ]
[ Bit by bit, his control is slipping. Not gone, but jittery. ]
[Korra gasps, stiffening against him as he bites her neck and presses his lips along her hairline. When he reaches her lips, she returns his kiss with equal hunger. Her hands grab onto the arm around her, her nails digging into his skin and she bites his lip hard.
The hand on her breast the draws out soft cries that get progressively louder as he works down her body.]
Please. [She doesn't know what she's begging for, only that she's aching with need.
[ A groan oscillates low-loud in Hei's throat. Her kisses have the same burning edge of want as his own, and the bite of her nails, the sounds he draws from her, are all vibrant with encouragement -- it's okay, it's good, keep going. The friction from her body assumes the only place in his consciousness. And when she says Please, he thinks, Fuck it. So much for restraint and strategy. ]
[ Without warning he spins her to face him, crowding her back against the tiled wall. One thigh up between hers, pinning back her hands. Under the spray of hot needles, his hair is plastered to his face in inky vines, the steam bringing a flush to the rise of his cheeks. He presses himself tight against her, with urgent stirring motions. Kisses her; hot sips deepening to possessive gulps, all teeth and tongue. ]
[ He knows he's not going to be up for much in terms of foreplay or playfulness tonight. Even his patience has its limits. His heart already feels like a gong resonating through his body; he's vibrating all over for her. But despite it he can't help but treat himself to a little taste. ]
[ Sinking to his knees, he takes her in: dripping hair and flushed wet skin. Leans forward, and kisses one breast, then the other, weighing them in his hands. Worries the nipples with his teeth, a mixture of soft and hard bites. Dipping lower to bite her belly, he lags his tongue across her navel, then down further, fierce kisses pressed in a circle all around around her moist mons. ]
Korra -- [ One palm sliding to her lower-back, a steadying influence against the slippery skin, he nudges her thighs apart with the other, leaning in ] If I don't get you off in the next ten minutes, feel free to [ he mouths the words right along the vee of her thighs, at the seam where skin meets slick heat ] punch me. Or something. [ Which is, in itself, an unfamiliar offer. His usual mantra is I'm done. You have two hands to get yourself off by yourself. How deeply time can warp priorities. ]
[ Then, without ceremony, he leans in, mouth hot and open, licking a long wet stripe right up the length of her. ]
[Normally this is the point where she would demand to flip the tables. Being pleasured is nice, but pleasuring is power. A part of her still wants to wrestle control from him and mark her way down his body. Prove that she's capable of doing something positive.
But she's still frightened of herself, even more than after she had killed those ghouls. With the ghouls, she had at least had the comfort of saying that she had been protecting others. Her ability to kill was terrifying but still ultimately under her control. She doesn't trust her control after what she did to Chekov. She still doesn't really believe it was a curse, but even if it was, that still means she isn't safe to be around. Isn't someone to be trusted with power.
Water from the shower head runs down her face, getting into her eyes and nose and mouth. When he releases her hands to kneel, she fumbles to turn it off. She can't see the handles, can hardly concentrate with the way he bites her breasts and belly. She finally grabs one as he envelops her in the wet heat of his mouth; she gasps and twists the handle, more out of instinct than choice.
The water abruptly increases in pressure and temperature, hot enough to hurt. She cries out in pain and frantically turns it in the other direction.]
I'm sorry! I'm so sorry.
[She grabs onto his shoulders to keep from falling to her knees and continues to stammer apologies. Her voice is thick with tears, out of proportion to her offense, that seem to be coming out of nowhere.]
[ In the end, it doesn't matter how monstrous Korra thinks she is. In terms of atrocity, Hei is miles ahead of her, and there's no closing that gap. That doesn't make the situation any less bleak. Or make what he and Korra are doing any less transient. But he knows that caution and doubt and guilt flashing through Korra's mind is familiar, and that has to count for something. ]
[ (He still remembers feeling lost and broken after Heaven's War, but picking himself up anyway in the aftermath of it.) ]
[ There's a muted gasp and a sputter when the water goes from hot to scalding. Unexpected, but Korra probably doesn't realize that's a temperature Hei prefers. He jerks back, spitting slightly, swiping the water off his eyes. The upward glance he flicks at her is undeniably wry. ] All right. So pressured schedules aren't your thing.
[ The mild amusement fades at her expression, at those frantic apologies. Shit. He gives her a a quick kiss below her navel, right above the hairline. Rises to turn the water off, before gathering her in. The steam is so thick it feels like he’s inhaling and exhaling through a wet blanket. There's a hum of want still in his muscles, like a live wire pooling low in his groin, and it's -- it's so fucking frustrating. But being with Korra is about patience and carving out space where there is none. ]
[ He steps closer, tracing out her spine with his fingertips. It's a language of almost-tenderness Hei uses when he wants something; it's almost never sincere. Except now. Taking her face in both hands, he gently kisses her temples, each eyelid, the tip of her nose. Presses another kiss to her mouth, tasting water and salt on the tip of his tongue. (Strange, that it's a taste he's beginning to associate with her) He doesn't ask if she's okay. Instead: ]
[She's trying so hard - so very, very hard - not to cry, but it's a lost battle. He's worn down her defenses with hot water, gentle touches, and hungry kisses. She clings to him, hiding her face against his chest as though trying to disappear. She doesn't want to fall apart in front of him, hates being this open and weak.
She hasn't cried like this since she first arrived, sobbing into Bolin's arms. Thinking about him makes her cry even harder. She tries to hold it in and breathe, but the effort just makes her choke. When he suggests drying off, she nods, coughing too hard to speak.]
[ Hei draws her out of the shower, feet dripping puddles on the tiles. Leans her against the sink away from the foggy mirror. He doubts she'd want to look at her reflection, and he's not in a mood to meet his own eyes and see whatever emotion -- or lack of it -- is there. Instead he looks down at their paired bodies -- his skin a paler brown in contrast to hers, only the head of the penis tinged with pink, hers more varied, smooth and burnished under the water rolling off her, a centerpiece of hard-edged want and hazy-soft focus. ]
[ Once again, he marvels at the surrealism of time. Somewhere along the line, she's forgotten to be shy with him. ]
[ Wrapping her in the towel, he starts drying her off. Towels her hair into a damp fluffy nest, before scrubbing himself off briskly. Her eyes are still moist with tears; she reminds him of that little girl again, stunned by a sudden fall. Without a word, he swings her up, and carries her out. In his bedroom he turns on that clacking radiator in the corner, and tugs down the bedspread, before depositing her on the mattress, half sprawled on her, still cradling her against him with one arm. ]
[ His eyes are dark and half-lidded; he feels as if all his weight is centered in his erection, trapped between their bellies. Yet somehow the intense throbbing is easy to ignore in favor of the soft openmouthed kisses he presses to her mouth. ]
[She hasn't forgotten to be shy around him; she just doesn't have a choice. Her pride isn't strong enough to hold back the tears, or to protest when he picks her up. She clings to him shamefully while he carries her to bed.
She wishes he had just left her on the roof, frozen and numb and tearless. She feels like she's never going to stop crying. It makes it impossible to do anything -- she can feel his erection pulsing between them, wants to touch it, bring this situation back to something familiar, but she's paralyzed with uncertainty.
Even her kisses are distracted, half-hearted. They seem to say I'm sorry.]
[ Her kisses taste like salty contrition. The room feels like a cauldron, bubbling her misery to the wildest heights. Hei's first instinct, the knee-jerk, is to snap, Stop it. He wants to tell her she's taking this too hard -- there's nothing to apologize for when the crime hasn't been committed (there's a vital clause of Free Will that's absent here). But he doesn't say anything. Instead he blots her tears out in a series of kisses. All around the clock of her moist face, eyelids, chin, cheeks and finally the lips, pressing deeper and deeper. ]
[ Each one on the fringes of a crackle-&-burn that he hopes spells out You've done nothing wrong. ]
[ He can taste her tears sliding between their fused mouths. His whole body is overheating for her, but he keeps it going, keeps her pinned. Each kiss slow, languid. Excruciatingly intense. He wants to impart that message into her with total concentration, lick a wordless assurance into her mouth. Not stopping until he feels the tension go out of his own body, ratcheting to a simmer, not a boil. Not until, a few minutes later, he's almost calm, the barest touch of his lips on hers, sharing inhales and exhales, as his hands make soothing sweeps along her body. ]
[ When he draws back to look at her, finally, he is dark-eyed, lip-swollen. His hand moves up to cup her jaw, thumb ghosting across her cheekbone like a kiss. ]
....Korra?
[ There's a question, quiet and heated, in his tone. We can stop and We can keep going. ]
[It's a long time before her tears finally stop. Less because she's calm and more because she's exhausted. Her throat is raw and her mouth tastes like it's full of sand. Her entire body feels weak. She can feel the reassurance in his every touch, but it's hard for her to believe it. Not on the heels of the fight she & Chekov had. Not when she can feel Li's agenda throbbing between them.
She hears the offer in her name, and finds that hard to trust as well. Despite what others may think, she does know Li, and that he rarely does anything that doesn't benefit him in some way. When she's gone to him for comfort before, he's gotten something out of it.
She doesn't want to be left alone if she says she wants to stop.]
I need some water.
[So instead she says "pause." She pushes herself up slowly, intending to slide out of bed and get something to drink. Either that will give her the time to feel ready for sex again, or she'll have pulled herself together enough to handle being alone.]
[ I need some water. Everything about Hei stills as the words float into the air. His eyes close, and in a surprising fit of boyishness, he keels slowly over, to bury his head in the pillow. Then, with a deep Christ-give-me-strength breath, he lifts his head. Remembering she's wrung out and dehydrated. Remembering this is still her choice. His grip loosens, and he breathes in measured exhales as he sits up with her. ]
[ Ignoring, all the while, how his arousal has descended to a harsh miserable ache. ]
[ Still, it's only a moment before he's gathered his thoughts. He can read people with unnerving accuracy, and Korra exists within a clear divide of transparency. She doesn't just want water. She wants to pull herself together, and he can respect that. But at the same time, she's shying away. Suspicious of him and his intentions. He can't blame her. Despite his sympathy, his willingness to play nice, he's operating on that single-minded determination that spikes when he wants something. On top of it, he's always been volatile, especially with her, and Korra often doesn't know what face of his he'll show. ]
[ Of course she's formed a habit of wariness around him. ]
[ Hei absorbs these facts with a sense of acceptance, if not eagerness. But he doesn't draw away. He slides behind her carefully, and gathers her hair back. Traces his lips along her spine, feeling the way the vertebrae fit together. Murmurs, into the crook of her shoulder, ] Whatever you need. [ Not entirely sincere. But not a blatant lie, either. Hei isn't used to thinking in terms beyond me and mine. But that doesn't mean he's incapable of allowances. ]
[Her eyes drift shut as he kisses her spine, and she reaches out to squeeze his knee in a silent "thank you" before pushing herself out of bed. For a moment she almost thinks she'll fall, but no, it's just one foot in front of the other and she's fine. She doesn't have the energy to tug away the blanket to cover herself so she just walks to the kitchen naked, ignoring the chill.
Her hands tremble as she takes a glass and fills it with water from the sink; it stops after she's gulped the whole thing down. She fills the glass again and drinks more slowly, knowing she'll get sick if she drinks too much too quickly.
Another half glass and she's calmer. Not calm, not numb, not free of pain -- just enough to return to the bedroom and hesitate for only a moment before climbing on top of him. It's probably a bad idea, but she finds herself unable to care.]
[ It's as if there's a direct circuit between her body and his. When she pads out of the room, the erratic voltage under his skin subsides. He's no longer so hard it hurts; his breathing is steadier despite the want and heat pulling low at his stomach. In the kitchen, he can hear Korra moving around. He imagines her sipping slowly from a glass, rearranging both her expression and state of mind. Imagines that deep inside her, a terrified angry little girl is sobbing. ]
[ The absolute lack of anything between them tonight is strange. He's so used to getting things done fast; even during zipless fucks with other girls, on nights when he'd stay with them for hours, he was always all about quantity: fast, efficient, straightforward. At the end of the day, sex is never about intimacy for him. It's about the brute physicality of it, the promise of the finish line. But that's not what's happening here. ]
[ He can't stay indifferent to her grief. Can't find, in himself, that lusty violence that only blossoms in the indifferent turns of the flesh. This isn't going to be another serving of the usual, with a bit of sugar on top. He wants to take this at a leisurely pace -- and Hei doesn't do that for everyone. ]
[ He should put a stop to this. Right now. He'll regret the vulnerability later. Worse, so will she. ]
[ When Korra returns, he's half-propped up in the middle of the bed. The lamp is on, throwing a dark umbra across the room. He meets her gaze straight-on, his face impassive, like a duelist trying to reach an impasse. Starts to say You can go to sleep if you want. But then she climbs onto him, and suddenly he's all out of reasoning. ]
[ This close, he can smell her -- the scent of soap, her skin, an aftertang of tears. Nothing about her is what he's used to -- enthusiasm and solar-flares, but it's still her, still stirring. Without a word, Hei arches up, a nip of teeth against her bottom lip as his body presses flush against hers. Welcome back. ]
[She melts against him, her kisses both insistent and timid. Her hands run up and down his sides, scraping his skin as she grinds against him. She feels only the faintest burn, more a memory of desire than the actual feeling. She doesn't have the physical or emotional energy to take the lead; her goal right now is only to indicate her willingness to continue.]
[ Those light scratches make Hei's breath hitch, and there's nothing to inhale but Korra. He keeps it slow, his lips and tongue languid against hers. A slow-crackling heat he's not yet ready to fan into a brushfire. (He can taste so much uncertainty in her kisses. Not because she wants to stop but because she's half-adrift. Changed, broken up, but ... He won't feed her that cliche, But you are still here. It might be true, but Hei doesn't operate on bromides. ]
[ (Then again, five years ago, that was how he felt about teammates too). ]
[ Humming, he rocks up against her, full length, skin to skin. Lets her feel his erection prodding her cool belly, as his fingers splay over her ribcage, drumming out a xylophonist's cadence, before roaming up to her breasts. He cups them, rubbing the pebbly nipples. Traces her lips with his, dipping a tongue into her mouth. Light kisses between hints of teeth, like blades in whipped cream. Her hair -- still a little damp from the shower -- falls down around them, tickling the sides of his face, bare slivers of the room visible through it. ]
[ He wants so badly to move from contiguous to connected. It's as if he hasn't been touched in weeks, or months -- the patient languid kisses stir him up, sending his mind racing ahead, past the sex, to the climax, the one-minute afterglow he might be willing to permit, straight on to the next cruel thing he'll inevitably say that'll erase this sweetness. ]
[ Don't let it happen. ]
[ Eventually, he abandons her breasts to put her hair back from her face, caress her cheeks. With one hand, he strokes the soft skin of her neck, the jut of her shoulderblades and the arch of her spine, all the way down to the dimples flanking her lower-back. The other rubs a thumb back and forth along the crease of her right thigh, just below her buttocks. He curls it forward, fingers stroking over her moist seam from the back forward, before slipping inside. ]
[His touch knocks her breath out of rhythm. She feels dizzy from exhaustion & growing desire. His hands -- tracing her ribcage, cupping her breast -- feel like they're holding her up. His erection pulses against her stomach, beating like a heart.
She gasps as his fingers slide into her, breaking away to bury her face in the crook of his shoulder. In the same breath, she pushes back against him, sinking his fingers deeper inside her. Her nails dig into his waist and she whimpers softly.]
[ Hei inhales sharply as she breaks the kiss, half to breathe, half at the sting of her nails. His erection feels taut and stretched under her -- reactive to the sound of her voice alone. He wraps an arm around her waist as his fingers tease her from behind, so she can't wiggle away. Inches his palm forward a bit more, carefully penetrating that damp tangle of hair. Loving how that slickness feels, gathering along his fingers as he crooks them. ]
[ He doesn't build a rhythm straight off. Just lets the digits travel where they want, stirring inside her, the ghosts of circles and the barest hints of pressure. His lips trace through her hair to nibble on her ear; his sighs aren't shaky but they're a near thing, sucking on the earlobe as his breath ghosts the shell. ]
[ The pace he finally sets is tortuous. Two fingers slipping into her, then three, the pads circling rough. Searching through heat and slick for the spot that will collapse her. Moving faster to coax more sounds from her, offering others in reply -- wet noises as he presses his hand as far forward as it'll go, until the web of his thumb wedges tightly against her clit. He wants to push beyond her passive surface, to those easy peaks that come sharp and quick. ]
[ Get her on the other side of wet and ready before he finally slides into her. ]
Edited (oh teeny typos you annoy me so >\) 2013-03-19 04:31 (UTC)
[He won't find it as easy a task as usual. Physical sensations are dulled for her right now; spots that normally would have her screaming elicit only a heated whimper. Korra does her best to help, squeezing his fingers, grinding against his hand. But it will take more than his fingers to get her off tonight.]
[ Not as easy a task as usual, but certainly not unfamiliar. On a good day, Korra may be gratifyingly easy to bring off. But he's been with others who weren't, or who couldn't, as if they were afraid of whatever threshold orgasm might cross. It'd made no sense to Hei, but he'd been too indifferent to care. ]
[ (Certainly, she's no Chinese finger-trap like Amber. Knowing what got her off was a constant mystery -- a trick that worked one night could be a failure the next.) ]
[ He watches her with dark eyes and a quiet focus. He's rubbing the remembered spots inside her, but it's clearly not enough. He wants to ask her what she needs -- Less fingers? More stimulation? Faster? Slower? She's full of a pooling warmth -- fuck he can practically feel it -- but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Which isn't too far off from how Hei feels. ]
[ Before she ends up slipping deeper from fever to frustration, he changes tactics. Slipping his wet fingers free, he rolls her onto her back, making himself heavy between her thighs. Slides his hands under her torso until his fingers are curled around her shoulders and her breasts are crushed against his chest, the sudden ferocity of his kisses to her mouth almost frightening. His erection rides against her wet curly mons, and for a dizzying moment he nearly loses himself inside her. ]
[ Instead he breaks on a sharp inhale, barely shaking. Rubs his erection against the wet seam of her; pressing with his hips so that the thick vein and spreading head stroke along her clit, tight against the root. He'll always face any challenge head on: he doesn't know how else to survive. And right now there's nothing to deflect his focus: no time constraints, no adrenaline crash from a narrow escape, no paranoia that his location will be compromised, no fresh wounds. ]
[ He can allow Korra -- and himself -- the novelty of patience. ] How do you want this? [ What do you want? ]
[Her whimper of protest quickly turns into a yelp of surprise, immediately muffled by his mouth. She can feel the heat of him between her legs and for a dizzying moment wonders (detached) if he's going to slide inside. But he just rubs along the length of her, eliciting little pleased cries.
His question is met with a blank look. She's too tired, too aroused (and too inexperienced) to understand what he means.]
[ (Distantly, Hei thinks that when he does get his nut tonight, he'll sing a fucking hallelujah chorus.) ]
[ Maybe another time he wouldn't care about what she wants. Maybe he'd just take what he wants, as he's accustomed to doing. It'd be different if this was an assignment; if Korra was a mark. It's easy for him to detach then. In those moments, he can appear to be in the zone, then go from a heated exchange to scratching his hair and casually answering his cellphone, all in one breath. Lust becomes a phantom. Self-control is effortless. ]
[ It takes a lot to put him in an uncivilized zone -- but this feels like an inexorable fall toward it. (And oh, how unnerving that is). ]
[ He reads Korra's blank look for what it is. There's something indulgent in the pitch of his half-smile. ] How. Do you. Want this? Do you want to fuck [ pronouncing it so the F is soft as bloodroot, the K quiet like a click of a trigger ] Or [ he kisses her again, a kiss that only lasts a moment, but there's such a crackle in it, a slow slip of tongue, that it can never pass as innocent ] do you want my mouth for something better than talking?
[Korra doesn't know what she wants, in much the same way that someone who is too hungry can only want "food," but nothing more specific. (He's doing everything right, everything courteous, but there is dim, dim spark of resentment that he's asking her to think at all.) She doesn't know how to answer.
She leans up to kiss him again, because kissing is easy, and grinds her hips against him. He can read whatever answer in that he wants.]
[ Maybe he wants her to think. Right now she's like a kite suddenly cut loose from the line -- for the moment exhiliratingly free of reality, responsibility, consequence, yet certain to loose that wind and plummet. She has to find a line again. This doesn't feel like Korra. This feels like a photocopy of a photocopy of her. ]
[ (At the same time, he knows that's not her fault. But a tiny corner of his psyche admits he misses that brashness, that life, he's come to associate with her). ]
[ She kisses him, and there's a hot shiver, running down his spine and making his back dip and his hips cant. The way she rocks underneath him brings out a half-groan, breaking the kiss so he can breathe it out, quiet and strained. Suddenly he's too needy to be held off anymore. One-handed, he fumbles through the mess in his drawer -- I should clean it out -- and finds a condom. His fingers are a little shaky and it takes two tries to tear the plastic open. Finally he unrolls the cold thing and smoothes it over himself. It heats up remarkably fast. ]
[ He leans forward, supporting himself on one hand, and, guides himself into her with the other. Even with the condom, the slick tightness of her pulls his skin taut. Heat. Sweet, sweet heat. All of a sudden there is no air in the room. He hisses under his breath, searching inside for control, for some trick of breathing that will help him take it slow. Rocks again, grazes the edges, and sinks in deeper. Comes almost halfway out, and slides in completely. ]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ Slowly, he pressed himself closer, all the way down, feet bracketing hers, his erection trapped between their bodies and his arms laid over hers, warm face alongside her own. His skin is simmering; his heartbeat practically pulsates through the steamy air. ]
[ But he keeps his tone measured, ]
Don't distract me.
[ As if she isn't distracting enough. But the way she shakes is unnerving. So rattled, so full of cracks, like a glass that might shatter at a high note. He doesn't bother with the washcloth. Just soaps up his hands and applies them to her body. Careful, meticulous, the joint of his thumbs rubbing deep into each joint, back then front, up and down, aiming for deep-tissue relief and scrubbing the blood off more than anything. Once she's clean, he lathers her hair, his fingers digging with vigorous force into her scalp. ]
[ All the while, his body sings at a disturbing voltage. It'd be easy, so easy, to snug up tight against her, slide into her with one stroke, no condoms, no preliminaries, forcing her up on her tiptoes under the shower's hot spray. ]
[ He shuts the fantasy off. Now isn't the time to get over excited. ]
Re: ⊕ march 15th, late evening
At length her shaking stops, though her knees feel weak. Desire builds up, hot enough to burn through her numb shell. It's a good thing Li has his head together, because if he tried to slide into her right now, she would let him. Anything to feel something other than pain.]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ He reaches to turn the spray off, but doesn't quite make it. (He'll think later about how he would've gotten her toweled and warm and out of the stall, if only he'd put space between them.) If he hadn't pressed tight behind her, his hands on her shoulders, his mouth questing through her wet hair. But once that happens he can't help the greedy shiver that runs through him, can't help breathing her in. Sweeping her hair back, he puts his mouth on her neck, sucks on the flesh, gently first, then hard enough to blossom a bruise. Breaks to lay soft kisses in a circuit along her hairline, to her earlobe, her jaw, finally tipping her head so that her mouth is right there to feed on. ]
[ There's hunger in the way he kisses her now. A bright flare of insistence. ]
[ Holding her against him with one arm, he caresses her body with the other hand. Cradling and kneading each breast, rolling the nipples until they're tight and springy. Stroking her belly, the sensitive skin high up on her thighs, before slipping two fingers through the wet tangle of curls between them. He teases her. Not deep, just circling her clit, starting a slow and easy massage, not wanting the water to wash all that slick away. ]
[ Bit by bit, his control is slipping. Not gone, but jittery. ]
Re: ⊕ march 15th, late evening
The hand on her breast the draws out soft cries that get progressively louder as he works down her body.]
Please. [She doesn't know what she's begging for, only that she's aching with need.
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ Without warning he spins her to face him, crowding her back against the tiled wall. One thigh up between hers, pinning back her hands. Under the spray of hot needles, his hair is plastered to his face in inky vines, the steam bringing a flush to the rise of his cheeks. He presses himself tight against her, with urgent stirring motions. Kisses her; hot sips deepening to possessive gulps, all teeth and tongue. ]
[ He knows he's not going to be up for much in terms of foreplay or playfulness tonight. Even his patience has its limits. His heart already feels like a gong resonating through his body; he's vibrating all over for her. But despite it he can't help but treat himself to a little taste. ]
[ Sinking to his knees, he takes her in: dripping hair and flushed wet skin. Leans forward, and kisses one breast, then the other, weighing them in his hands. Worries the nipples with his teeth, a mixture of soft and hard bites. Dipping lower to bite her belly, he lags his tongue across her navel, then down further, fierce kisses pressed in a circle all around around her moist mons. ]
Korra -- [ One palm sliding to her lower-back, a steadying influence against the slippery skin, he nudges her thighs apart with the other, leaning in ] If I don't get you off in the next ten minutes, feel free to [ he mouths the words right along the vee of her thighs, at the seam where skin meets slick heat ] punch me. Or something. [ Which is, in itself, an unfamiliar offer. His usual mantra is I'm done. You have two hands to get yourself off by yourself. How deeply time can warp priorities. ]
[ Then, without ceremony, he leans in, mouth hot and open, licking a long wet stripe right up the length of her. ]
Re: ⊕ march 15th, late evening
But she's still frightened of herself, even more than after she had killed those ghouls. With the ghouls, she had at least had the comfort of saying that she had been protecting others. Her ability to kill was terrifying but still ultimately under her control. She doesn't trust her control after what she did to Chekov. She still doesn't really believe it was a curse, but even if it was, that still means she isn't safe to be around. Isn't someone to be trusted with power.
Water from the shower head runs down her face, getting into her eyes and nose and mouth. When he releases her hands to kneel, she fumbles to turn it off. She can't see the handles, can hardly concentrate with the way he bites her breasts and belly. She finally grabs one as he envelops her in the wet heat of his mouth; she gasps and twists the handle, more out of instinct than choice.
The water abruptly increases in pressure and temperature, hot enough to hurt. She cries out in pain and frantically turns it in the other direction.]
I'm sorry! I'm so sorry.
[She grabs onto his shoulders to keep from falling to her knees and continues to stammer apologies. Her voice is thick with tears, out of proportion to her offense, that seem to be coming out of nowhere.]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ (He still remembers feeling lost and broken after Heaven's War, but picking himself up anyway in the aftermath of it.) ]
[ There's a muted gasp and a sputter when the water goes from hot to scalding. Unexpected, but Korra probably doesn't realize that's a temperature Hei prefers. He jerks back, spitting slightly, swiping the water off his eyes. The upward glance he flicks at her is undeniably wry. ] All right. So pressured schedules aren't your thing.
[ The mild amusement fades at her expression, at those frantic apologies. Shit. He gives her a a quick kiss below her navel, right above the hairline. Rises to turn the water off, before gathering her in. The steam is so thick it feels like he’s inhaling and exhaling through a wet blanket. There's a hum of want still in his muscles, like a live wire pooling low in his groin, and it's -- it's so fucking frustrating. But being with Korra is about patience and carving out space where there is none. ]
[ He steps closer, tracing out her spine with his fingertips. It's a language of almost-tenderness Hei uses when he wants something; it's almost never sincere. Except now. Taking her face in both hands, he gently kisses her temples, each eyelid, the tip of her nose. Presses another kiss to her mouth, tasting water and salt on the tip of his tongue. (Strange, that it's a taste he's beginning to associate with her) He doesn't ask if she's okay. Instead: ]
Let's get you dried off. All right?
⊕ march 15th, late evening
She hasn't cried like this since she first arrived, sobbing into Bolin's arms. Thinking about him makes her cry even harder. She tries to hold it in and breathe, but the effort just makes her choke. When he suggests drying off, she nods, coughing too hard to speak.]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ Once again, he marvels at the surrealism of time. Somewhere along the line, she's forgotten to be shy with him. ]
[ Wrapping her in the towel, he starts drying her off. Towels her hair into a damp fluffy nest, before scrubbing himself off briskly. Her eyes are still moist with tears; she reminds him of that little girl again, stunned by a sudden fall. Without a word, he swings her up, and carries her out. In his bedroom he turns on that clacking radiator in the corner, and tugs down the bedspread, before depositing her on the mattress, half sprawled on her, still cradling her against him with one arm. ]
[ His eyes are dark and half-lidded; he feels as if all his weight is centered in his erection, trapped between their bellies. Yet somehow the intense throbbing is easy to ignore in favor of the soft openmouthed kisses he presses to her mouth. ]
Re: ⊕ march 15th, late evening
She wishes he had just left her on the roof, frozen and numb and tearless. She feels like she's never going to stop crying. It makes it impossible to do anything -- she can feel his erection pulsing between them, wants to touch it, bring this situation back to something familiar, but she's paralyzed with uncertainty.
Even her kisses are distracted, half-hearted. They seem to say I'm sorry.]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ Each one on the fringes of a crackle-&-burn that he hopes spells out You've done nothing wrong. ]
[ He can taste her tears sliding between their fused mouths. His whole body is overheating for her, but he keeps it going, keeps her pinned. Each kiss slow, languid. Excruciatingly intense. He wants to impart that message into her with total concentration, lick a wordless assurance into her mouth. Not stopping until he feels the tension go out of his own body, ratcheting to a simmer, not a boil. Not until, a few minutes later, he's almost calm, the barest touch of his lips on hers, sharing inhales and exhales, as his hands make soothing sweeps along her body. ]
[ When he draws back to look at her, finally, he is dark-eyed, lip-swollen. His hand moves up to cup her jaw, thumb ghosting across her cheekbone like a kiss. ]
....Korra?
[ There's a question, quiet and heated, in his tone. We can stop and We can keep going. ]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
She hears the offer in her name, and finds that hard to trust as well. Despite what others may think, she does know Li, and that he rarely does anything that doesn't benefit him in some way. When she's gone to him for comfort before, he's gotten something out of it.
She doesn't want to be left alone if she says she wants to stop.]
I need some water.
[So instead she says "pause." She pushes herself up slowly, intending to slide out of bed and get something to drink. Either that will give her the time to feel ready for sex again, or she'll have pulled herself together enough to handle being alone.]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ Ignoring, all the while, how his arousal has descended to a harsh miserable ache. ]
[ Still, it's only a moment before he's gathered his thoughts. He can read people with unnerving accuracy, and Korra exists within a clear divide of transparency. She doesn't just want water. She wants to pull herself together, and he can respect that. But at the same time, she's shying away. Suspicious of him and his intentions. He can't blame her. Despite his sympathy, his willingness to play nice, he's operating on that single-minded determination that spikes when he wants something. On top of it, he's always been volatile, especially with her, and Korra often doesn't know what face of his he'll show. ]
[ Of course she's formed a habit of wariness around him. ]
[ Hei absorbs these facts with a sense of acceptance, if not eagerness. But he doesn't draw away. He slides behind her carefully, and gathers her hair back. Traces his lips along her spine, feeling the way the vertebrae fit together. Murmurs, into the crook of her shoulder, ] Whatever you need. [ Not entirely sincere. But not a blatant lie, either. Hei isn't used to thinking in terms beyond me and mine. But that doesn't mean he's incapable of allowances. ]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
Her hands tremble as she takes a glass and fills it with water from the sink; it stops after she's gulped the whole thing down. She fills the glass again and drinks more slowly, knowing she'll get sick if she drinks too much too quickly.
Another half glass and she's calmer. Not calm, not numb, not free of pain -- just enough to return to the bedroom and hesitate for only a moment before climbing on top of him. It's probably a bad idea, but she finds herself unable to care.]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ The absolute lack of anything between them tonight is strange. He's so used to getting things done fast; even during zipless fucks with other girls, on nights when he'd stay with them for hours, he was always all about quantity: fast, efficient, straightforward. At the end of the day, sex is never about intimacy for him. It's about the brute physicality of it, the promise of the finish line. But that's not what's happening here. ]
[ He can't stay indifferent to her grief. Can't find, in himself, that lusty violence that only blossoms in the indifferent turns of the flesh. This isn't going to be another serving of the usual, with a bit of sugar on top. He wants to take this at a leisurely pace -- and Hei doesn't do that for everyone. ]
[ He should put a stop to this. Right now. He'll regret the vulnerability later. Worse, so will she. ]
[ When Korra returns, he's half-propped up in the middle of the bed. The lamp is on, throwing a dark umbra across the room. He meets her gaze straight-on, his face impassive, like a duelist trying to reach an impasse. Starts to say You can go to sleep if you want. But then she climbs onto him, and suddenly he's all out of reasoning. ]
[ This close, he can smell her -- the scent of soap, her skin, an aftertang of tears. Nothing about her is what he's used to -- enthusiasm and solar-flares, but it's still her, still stirring. Without a word, Hei arches up, a nip of teeth against her bottom lip as his body presses flush against hers. Welcome back. ]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ (Then again, five years ago, that was how he felt about teammates too). ]
[ Humming, he rocks up against her, full length, skin to skin. Lets her feel his erection prodding her cool belly, as his fingers splay over her ribcage, drumming out a xylophonist's cadence, before roaming up to her breasts. He cups them, rubbing the pebbly nipples. Traces her lips with his, dipping a tongue into her mouth. Light kisses between hints of teeth, like blades in whipped cream. Her hair -- still a little damp from the shower -- falls down around them, tickling the sides of his face, bare slivers of the room visible through it. ]
[ He wants so badly to move from contiguous to connected. It's as if he hasn't been touched in weeks, or months -- the patient languid kisses stir him up, sending his mind racing ahead, past the sex, to the climax, the one-minute afterglow he might be willing to permit, straight on to the next cruel thing he'll inevitably say that'll erase this sweetness. ]
[ Don't let it happen. ]
[ Eventually, he abandons her breasts to put her hair back from her face, caress her cheeks. With one hand, he strokes the soft skin of her neck, the jut of her shoulderblades and the arch of her spine, all the way down to the dimples flanking her lower-back. The other rubs a thumb back and forth along the crease of her right thigh, just below her buttocks. He curls it forward, fingers stroking over her moist seam from the back forward, before slipping inside. ]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
She gasps as his fingers slide into her, breaking away to bury her face in the crook of his shoulder. In the same breath, she pushes back against him, sinking his fingers deeper inside her. Her nails dig into his waist and she whimpers softly.]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ Hei inhales sharply as she breaks the kiss, half to breathe, half at the sting of her nails. His erection feels taut and stretched under her -- reactive to the sound of her voice alone. He wraps an arm around her waist as his fingers tease her from behind, so she can't wiggle away. Inches his palm forward a bit more, carefully penetrating that damp tangle of hair. Loving how that slickness feels, gathering along his fingers as he crooks them. ]
[ He doesn't build a rhythm straight off. Just lets the digits travel where they want, stirring inside her, the ghosts of circles and the barest hints of pressure. His lips trace through her hair to nibble on her ear; his sighs aren't shaky but they're a near thing, sucking on the earlobe as his breath ghosts the shell. ]
[ The pace he finally sets is tortuous. Two fingers slipping into her, then three, the pads circling rough. Searching through heat and slick for the spot that will collapse her. Moving faster to coax more sounds from her, offering others in reply -- wet noises as he presses his hand as far forward as it'll go, until the web of his thumb wedges tightly against her clit. He wants to push beyond her passive surface, to those easy peaks that come sharp and quick. ]
[ Get her on the other side of wet and ready before he finally slides into her. ]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ (Certainly, she's no Chinese finger-trap like Amber. Knowing what got her off was a constant mystery -- a trick that worked one night could be a failure the next.) ]
[ He watches her with dark eyes and a quiet focus. He's rubbing the remembered spots inside her, but it's clearly not enough. He wants to ask her what she needs -- Less fingers? More stimulation? Faster? Slower? She's full of a pooling warmth -- fuck he can practically feel it -- but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Which isn't too far off from how Hei feels. ]
[ Before she ends up slipping deeper from fever to frustration, he changes tactics. Slipping his wet fingers free, he rolls her onto her back, making himself heavy between her thighs. Slides his hands under her torso until his fingers are curled around her shoulders and her breasts are crushed against his chest, the sudden ferocity of his kisses to her mouth almost frightening. His erection rides against her wet curly mons, and for a dizzying moment he nearly loses himself inside her. ]
[ Instead he breaks on a sharp inhale, barely shaking. Rubs his erection against the wet seam of her; pressing with his hips so that the thick vein and spreading head stroke along her clit, tight against the root. He'll always face any challenge head on: he doesn't know how else to survive. And right now there's nothing to deflect his focus: no time constraints, no adrenaline crash from a narrow escape, no paranoia that his location will be compromised, no fresh wounds. ]
[ He can allow Korra -- and himself -- the novelty of patience. ] How do you want this? [ What do you want? ]
Re: ⊕ march 15th, late evening
His question is met with a blank look. She's too tired, too aroused (and too inexperienced) to understand what he means.]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ Maybe another time he wouldn't care about what she wants. Maybe he'd just take what he wants, as he's accustomed to doing. It'd be different if this was an assignment; if Korra was a mark. It's easy for him to detach then. In those moments, he can appear to be in the zone, then go from a heated exchange to scratching his hair and casually answering his cellphone, all in one breath. Lust becomes a phantom. Self-control is effortless. ]
[ It takes a lot to put him in an uncivilized zone -- but this feels like an inexorable fall toward it. (And oh, how unnerving that is). ]
[ He reads Korra's blank look for what it is. There's something indulgent in the pitch of his half-smile. ] How. Do you. Want this? Do you want to fuck [ pronouncing it so the F is soft as bloodroot, the K quiet like a click of a trigger ] Or [ he kisses her again, a kiss that only lasts a moment, but there's such a crackle in it, a slow slip of tongue, that it can never pass as innocent ] do you want my mouth for something better than talking?
⊕ march 15th, late evening
She leans up to kiss him again, because kissing is easy, and grinds her hips against him. He can read whatever answer in that he wants.]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
[ (At the same time, he knows that's not her fault. But a tiny corner of his psyche admits he misses that brashness, that life, he's come to associate with her). ]
[ She kisses him, and there's a hot shiver, running down his spine and making his back dip and his hips cant. The way she rocks underneath him brings out a half-groan, breaking the kiss so he can breathe it out, quiet and strained. Suddenly he's too needy to be held off anymore. One-handed, he fumbles through the mess in his drawer -- I should clean it out -- and finds a condom. His fingers are a little shaky and it takes two tries to tear the plastic open. Finally he unrolls the cold thing and smoothes it over himself. It heats up remarkably fast. ]
[ He leans forward, supporting himself on one hand, and, guides himself into her with the other. Even with the condom, the slick tightness of her pulls his skin taut. Heat. Sweet, sweet heat. All of a sudden there is no air in the room. He hisses under his breath, searching inside for control, for some trick of breathing that will help him take it slow. Rocks again, grazes the edges, and sinks in deeper. Comes almost halfway out, and slides in completely. ]
[ God. God, fuck. ]
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening
⊕ march 15th, late evening